Yesterday I had to be
reminded by a woman I consider powerful and dynamic that what she saw in me is
the same. I had to be reminded of my power, and value and worth. I had been
having a bad “day”. The other day I have found out something about myself that I
am in complete judgment about. I told her that “I am f**ked up”. What she said
to me was that “I am not f**ked up. I have f**ked up days.”
Those words were
exactly what I needed to hear. I have been going around making my whole life to
be f**ked up when this was just a moment in my whole life. I realize I have
done this often and Iyanla say’s if you do it anywhere you do it everywhere. I
have often made everything bad when one “bad” thing happens as well as
everything good when one “good” thing happens. I am especially prone to this
particular style of thinking, the creating a duality, the either or complex, because
I am a Gemini and we are the twins. My whole life I have been able to see both
sides to every situation. Needless to say it has caused me great challenges in
making decisions. I see now that I have
been living an either or life when truly there is room for both. I see now how
creating an either or vision of the world has caused me great pain. I have
taken a wonderful gift and used it against myself. I have sinned. The gift of
duality is the gift of polarity and in the understanding and accepting both as
one I find my balance I have been searching for. I think about the “coin”. It
has two sides. Neither side is better than the other yet when you look at it
for what it is, it doesn’t matter which side is up it’s still a coin. The coin
is also likened to our life and how we spend it will depend on its value and
worth. We are the only ones who can determine that. All of this is a lesson to
accept myself exactly as I am in any moment. Not suspending judgment, giving it
up all together; laying down my sword and shield and finding my innocence right
where I am and in that moment recognizing that “In my defenselessness my safety
lies”. (ACIM Lesson 153)
So I ask you too to
look at how you judge yourself and in finding judgment you break off a piece of
your own self-worth and diminish your value? How, in accepting yourself, the
good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful you can you have a richer more
fulfilling life? How does, how you show up for yourself accepting you exactly
the way you are open the door to accepting others exactly as they are? What are the possibilities of laying down the
sword of judgment and the shield of defensiveness? Perhaps this is the weapon
of mass destruction we should all be looking for. This weapon is the destructiveness
that keeps brother pitted against brother and sister against sister. It is the
weapon that makes war and destroys the value of the being which causes the
rotting stench of doubt and insecurity to rise like gangrene in the spirit and
pollutes the love that is already there. STOP the violence of self-hate in any
form and let love be the healing salve that mends the hearts back to its
original form, whole.
Prayer:
My Great God Presence above
and within me, My Beloved I AM presence
I acknowledge that
right where I am you are and where you are all is well.
I acknowledge that in
me exist a duality of the Divine feminine and Divine Masculine.
I acknowledge in me
there is a duality of that which I find acceptable and that which I judge as not
I admit that this
vision is a construct of my humanity and that in my divine state I see its
wholeness. Today I accept my whole being and fill the holes with unconditional
love and self-acceptance. Today I accept that when I separate myself from you I
am frightened and I can only see my fear. Today I accept that as I cleave to
your bosom I find the nourishment and comfort to be able to see through the
duality into the truth… I AM Whole prefect and complete in every aspect of my
being.
I release the need to separate
myself from you and I become fused in me as I AM one with all…. The Creator and
the created.
In this moment I give
thanks and surrender the process of this continued unfolding to you. Amen and
Ashe’
