I am A "WANTED" Woman!

I have been speaking to a lot of my friends and although the situations all seem different the base line was in dealing with wants and being wanted. What I realize now is that we all have a need to be wanted and desired just as we are. I am a quirky, fun loving, finicky, woman who likes to sing in the shower and paint her toes purple and belly dances by herself just for fun! I want to be loved, accepted and adored for being me.
When we have desires and wants that do not meet the standards and expectations of others, particularly those whom we have an intimate relationship with, and when we make our desire for what we want more important than theirs or when we make their desires for what they want more important than ours, no one wins. (wins for lack of a better word) . When we make them feel bad for their wants we are also making ourselves feel bad for our wants, that is a sin against our self. What we are saying is that my wants are more important than your wants and in REALITY both wants are equally important.
This is an opportunity to express unconditional love for ourselves and our beloved. In practicing unconditional love, real and true genuine love we endeavor to always want the best for our partner even if it is not with us. This sets the stage for the Universe to send them someone who matches their energetic vibration and for you too. So the next time you feel like you are unwanted remember this note to self.

NOTE TO SELF!
There is someone somewhere out there who wants me and loves me exactly as I am. This person loves every thing about me that I love about myself. I am a perfect match and vibration to love and love has no choice but to find me. I am deserving of love without conditions and I practice giving it to myself first by accepting that I have wants and desires and that is perfectly OK! I know that what I desire for me someone somewhere is desiring to give me exactly that. I celebrate the opportunity to connect to love, from love with love!

Thought for Today:

I want what you want for you. I want want what I want for me. We are both free to want what it is we want without guilt, blame or shame.

Today's Affirmation:

When I want, it is the Universe's way of expressing through me.

I Celebrate My desires and wants as a guiltless gourmet of Spirits buffet of love!

I ACCEPT WHO I AM

My love! Let me share with you today something I had not been aware of until today. Today I realized that I did not "want" to be "gay". I always thought that I was OK with the fact that I am.

I am out at work, out with friends and family, I live my life "out loud and proud" or so I thought. Paul Ferrini in his book Love without conditions talks about thinking that the issues we clearly see as other peoples are really our issues, in fact I actually blogged about it in a writing titled If I see It It's Mine. Well, mine stared me in the face many times even though I couldn't see it as mine at the time. Throughtout the years I have been in friendships and sometimes in intimate relationships with people who are gay and hide it in some way or another. Some hide it behind drinking others hide it in drugs some behind the mask of bisexuality (that was me too) and others delve into who we are as a badge of honor hidden behind a deep self loathing that is unrecognizable to the naked eye (that's me too). All of them are reflections of me. They showed me the ugly truth about myself when I did not have the courage or strength to see it.

Today I feel like I have given birth to myself. I always thought that I had chosen to be "gay". I thought I could go either way because I don't hate men, or find them displeasing in a physical way. I believed the lie that I was fed as a child that lesbians hate men, and because I didn't, I thought surely I must be choosing to be gay. I know that sounds so silly now as I write it but on some deep level it made more sense before today. Today I can now see all the ways I have denied who I am because of shame and guilt. Today I forgive myself for not loving myself as I am. Today I realize that I could never really love anybody for who they are until I learn to love me for who I am just as I am. Today I recognize my divinity and my healing as a child of God just as I am.

Thought for Today:
Sometimes we think that God has made a mistake, when in reality it is us who made the mistake of thinking that God could have ever created anything in us but perfection. Every time we have a judgement it is an error in our thinking that must be changed.

Today's Affirmation:
I AM a Divine child of God just as I am. I was created on purpose for a purpose.

Thought for Today:
All the love we receive is added to the fullness we are. When we receive love and we are feeling lack it feels more like theft to the person giving it to us, so subconsciously they either hold on to it or give it grudgingly. In our fullness it matters not who gives us love or withholds it because we are full. We must be enough of ourselves to our selves so that everything is an addition. No "one" can fill you. You must fill you. It is through the practice of self-love that we are filled. Seek self-love through the love of God. "Seek yea first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all else shall be added" (Mathew 6:33). Every time you feel yourself "needing" love from someone else, stop and do something to fill your love tank. Continue to do this so that it is automatic and eventually it will be.

Doing practices that feed the spirit fills you and you come to the table of communion with others full so that you may enjoy the feast not as a ravenous animal but a royal.

Today's Affirmation:
I am full of Love. I accept the love of others as an addition to the overflow I already am.


Be well, Be Blessed, Be Love
Ki-Mani