The metamorphosis of Prayer

Prayer for me has always been a personal audible declaration to God. It was once a declaration from a child innocently believing that what ever I ask could and would be made manifest knowing that it was God’s good pleasure to give me the desires of my heart. At that time I would pray selflessly for others knowing my prayers were answered. After observing and experiencing life it became a pleading decree from a undeserving sinner with a belief that I was unworthy but hoping I could gain favor from a lovingly mean, joyously vengeful demanding unpredictable God, that morphed into a demanding order, thinking that I was doing something to, either by asking or by action that would coerce God into doing what it is I was asking. It has yet again been transformed into an announcement of truth before all of heaven from the realization that it is with the word that the world was created and it is with my word that I create my life and its experiences. I know now for me that prayer has become even more personal. I t is now a conversation between me and my holy trinity, me, my highest most holy self that is a direct reflection of God and God her /himself. Now I talk it over speaking to the only being , energy and or essence within my life that has never held anything against me that has loved me unconditionally even when I did not love myself or him, I talk to my Beloved whispering in his/her ear the desires of my heart and I am brought to tears that he is listening. My heart opens and I realize that whatever I am asking is not really the question but that I am seeking to be in God’s presence so that I create things to ask for so that I have an excuse to talk to my Beloved, to be heard unendingly by my Beloved, never cut off or interrupted. I am sometimes stopped by the power of love that I feel the power of unconditional love of an open ear placed directly on my heart. It is this love that I am seeking this feeling of the most indescribable feeling I have ever experienced in my life that words are not fit to describe, that no amount of matter could ever compare to. I am in love with my beloved and I am constantly in awe of the love I receive in return. I am learning to not compare the love I give in return, but to seek to give all I have with all my heart I could never out love God. I am in Awe of the love that swells my heart even as I write this my heart runneth over and I am dwelling in the house of God. I Am in the presence of God and I Am loved. My prayer this day is to always know this feeling to always experience this feeling, to want, seek and desire this feeling more that my next breath.