I Forgive Myself

Today I came across a journal entry dated February 28,2009. It was a letter to a childhood friend blaming her for all the things I felt because of the decision she made to tell my mother the fact that I had sex. It is a letter giving her control and responsibility over me which is simply not true. Today I choose to(rewrite the letter) re-frame my experience from a place of empowerment instead of the victim I erroneously thought myself to be. What is amazing to me is Spirit, directing me to this entry less than 24hrs of writing yesterdays blog. It was in a small spiral notebook tucked away on a shelf on one of the five book shelves I own. Can you see how NOT random this is

Dear Beloved,

Thank you for preparing me to experience change in my life. Thank you for caring about me enough to show me how to speak up when I would loose my voice. Thank you showing me how I would betray myself in the years to come. Thank you for being a willing participant in the dance of my life that led me to uncover how honesty, openness, truth and self expression would be important factor in my spiritual growth. I had made up a horror story of how you betrayed me and how because of this I could not trust anyone, and that I had to hide my secrets because they were not safe to be shared. The truth is everything done in secret must come to the light. The truth is you were acting from your own story, ideas and beliefs and I accept that now. I made up that I had to close my heart to friendship. The truth is I had to learn friendship starts within. I have learned that everything I blamed you for was my own experience and today I forgive myself for ever believing you had that much power over me and in my life and I ask your forgiveness for trying to give you a responsibility that was not your to have.

Though For Today

We are the only being responsible for how we experience anything. Some experiences are hard while others are easy. This distinction creates the link for chains of blame and judgement that keep us in bondage. Forgiveness is the key to open the chains and set me free. Forgiveness like truth is a spiritual principle.

Today's Affirmation:

I forgive myself of all perceived inadequacies and judgements. I lay no blame on anyone at any time. I am in the hands of God and I am secure in this knowing. I accept every experience as a blessed opportunity for correction. "I accept every experience as an opportunity to embrace truth and reject illusion" (Paul Ferrini "Love without Conditions" pg.32)