Thank God For Trash Collectors

Today during meditation a lot of emotional garbage came forward to be released from me.

Years of resentment, anger, rage, judgment, criticism, hate and pain. Whew and that’s just what I can remember. I became ready to release and this process took on a physical experience of expulsion. I felt dizzy, nauseous and I wanted to throw up, and I did. During the healing process sometimes things look ugly. It looks like emotional vomit being spit up and spewed out onto the floor of life.

Oh it was ugly. Who knew? Thoughts can make you sick. Yes thoughts are just that powerful they can make you ill physically and emotionally. When they are allowed to grow in us unchecked, running wild in our subconscious they create attitudes and behaviors that feed its continued growth like weeds in a garden. They must be released, in order for your Spirit to be wiped clean. I released all of those painful memories that really are just memories that I had attached a story to and offered a vibration to which created a resonance within me that coordinated to the vibration I offered. This kept me in pain and resentment and anger and hate and kept out love, joy and peace. Today I let it all go.

After cleaning up the mess I created I dropped it into the trash can. The mess that you create can be incomplete business with ex’s or unfinished, unresolved emotional issues with parents, friends, bosses and even ourselves.

Today is trash day on my street and so I put my garbage outside for the garbage man to pick up. I watched as one man put it in the street and another man picked it up and tossed it into the dump truck. I watched as the truck drove away, I watched as the fears, regrets, anger, resentment and pain that I released was removed from my presence, grateful that all the toxic waste within my mind had been carried away from me and I am made whole. Thank God for the garbage collectors.

Who is your garbage collector? How do you throw out your trash? When is pick up day?

Pick up day can be today. Today you can pick up your own trash of emotional wounds, fears, insecurities and throw it out of the door of your being which is your heart. How you throw out your trash is the way you process your emotions in a real and authentic way allowing them to come forth without judgment and choosing to hold no-thing back. It is the Holy Spirit that takes it away and forgiveness and love find its way into the clearing you have made.

Whatever emotional refuse that is still hanging on that is keeping you from experiencing the joy of life let it go today and let the trash collector take it away. Every day can be trash day.

Today’s Affirmation:

I surrender all thoughts, beliefs and perceptions about myself to the Holy Spirit.

I release emotional garbage and let the Holy Spirit take it away.

I let the Spirit of God, the Spirit of good fill the void in me with love.

And So It Is.

I Forgive Myself

Today I came across a journal entry dated February 28,2009. It was a letter to a childhood friend blaming her for all the things I felt because of the decision she made to tell my mother the fact that I had sex. It is a letter giving her control and responsibility over me which is simply not true. Today I choose to(rewrite the letter) re-frame my experience from a place of empowerment instead of the victim I erroneously thought myself to be. What is amazing to me is Spirit, directing me to this entry less than 24hrs of writing yesterdays blog. It was in a small spiral notebook tucked away on a shelf on one of the five book shelves I own. Can you see how NOT random this is

Dear Beloved,

Thank you for preparing me to experience change in my life. Thank you for caring about me enough to show me how to speak up when I would loose my voice. Thank you showing me how I would betray myself in the years to come. Thank you for being a willing participant in the dance of my life that led me to uncover how honesty, openness, truth and self expression would be important factor in my spiritual growth. I had made up a horror story of how you betrayed me and how because of this I could not trust anyone, and that I had to hide my secrets because they were not safe to be shared. The truth is everything done in secret must come to the light. The truth is you were acting from your own story, ideas and beliefs and I accept that now. I made up that I had to close my heart to friendship. The truth is I had to learn friendship starts within. I have learned that everything I blamed you for was my own experience and today I forgive myself for ever believing you had that much power over me and in my life and I ask your forgiveness for trying to give you a responsibility that was not your to have.

Though For Today

We are the only being responsible for how we experience anything. Some experiences are hard while others are easy. This distinction creates the link for chains of blame and judgement that keep us in bondage. Forgiveness is the key to open the chains and set me free. Forgiveness like truth is a spiritual principle.

Today's Affirmation:

I forgive myself of all perceived inadequacies and judgements. I lay no blame on anyone at any time. I am in the hands of God and I am secure in this knowing. I accept every experience as a blessed opportunity for correction. "I accept every experience as an opportunity to embrace truth and reject illusion" (Paul Ferrini "Love without Conditions" pg.32)

Allow Surrender

Language is an important key to understanding. There are some countries that have no reference for words in English so try as you might to communicate it will be lost to them. The closest thing we could ever hope to relay a message is feelings.

My meditation teacher offered me the opportunity today to look at the word surrender. He asked me to come up with another word. My first inclination was to resist. I was annoyed that, now that I’d finally surrendered he’d ask me that. I busied myself with questions and statements that supported my resistance and annoyance. Then I finally allowed myself the experience of looking at the word and finding another word to use in place of it. Here is what showed up.

I first intellectualized the process. I thought of other words that would replace surrender. Everything I came up with sounded like I was giving up or doing something that I felt I had no other choice but to do. In my mind I saw myself waving a white flag and giving up the fight. (This is interesting because the surrender I am speaking of is in relation to God and his/her will in my life.) I even contemplated using a thesaurus and finally I settled on bowing my head and asking my heart what she thought surrender was.
Releasing and letting go is what words readily popped into my mind. I breathed deeper. I allowed the air to effortlessly fill my lungs and released the air not forcing it just allowing it to happen. A few rounds into it the light went on and I realized that “That” was “IT”. Surrender for me wasn’t surrender at all. It was allowance that I felt. An effortless allowing of Gods will in my life. Allowance is a conscious participation in the process. Paul Ferrini say’s in “Loving without Conditions” (page 15) That God does force himself on us, our relationship must be voluntary. To my unconscious mind, the abject feelings of giving up which implies lack of choice and force of will, neither of which God is doing. God needs my participation in the process because s/he does not force it’s will upon us I must participate actively by allowing. The choice is mine.

Thought for today:
Action speaks louder than words

Todays Affirmation:
When I AM in Allowance I AM in surrender!

I release I let go I let God!