I am reading the book called "The Four Levels of Healing" by Shakti Gawain and as an assignment to heal the mental level you are asked to look at your belief system in various aspect of your life.While doing healing work I endeavor to receive the most amount of healing to the deepest level of my being that is available to me at that time and I receive it. With that being said, during my meditation this morning and chanting this week’s mantra "Love", it came to my awareness that I equate sex with love. I was taught as a child that "when two people have sex together that means that they "love" each other". How many of you were taught the same thing? This belief sets up confusion in the mind when the body as a function responds favorably to a sexual overture or encounter. References are a function of the mind. As we learn to move through life we automatically refer one experience to another so that we can interpret what it is we're experiencing. While there is nothing wrong with this behavior it sets us up for failure and the inability to remain authentic to the present moment.
This belief that I didn't know that I was carrying led me to stay in love-less relationships because the sex was good. It has made me feel like I loved people and I didn’t and it has caused mental confusion when I slept with people I knowingly didn’t love nor was I in a relationship with. In “Love without Conditions” Jesus via the mind of Paul Ferrini says to look for the guilt. So I ask myself where the guilt is and why do I feel guilty? What I realize with deeper reflection and willingness for the truth to be revealed is that somewhere deep within I did feel guilty. With that awareness I have to take a breath! WOW! I feel guilty because I am guilty.
I acknowledge I feel guilty because I have used not just my body but others in the name of love. I feel guilty to have lied to myself and fooled myself into believing that some encounters were anything but what it was, “a booty call”. I feel guilty to have lied to myself to say it was ok to sleep with people whom I had no other attachment to other than to satisfy my physical urges that I could have very well have taken care of for myself. I feel guilty to have succumbed to carnal desires, forgoing the possibility of a deep Spiritual connection through genuine love and sharing of my sacred temple.
Now that I am aware of this belief I can choose to create a new belief or allow this belief to be the litmus test and weigh against my heart or my hormones in deciding who to share my temple with. Now that I am aware of the guilt and I have acknowledged it I can move into accepting it as a beautiful lesson for my spiritual growth. This allows me to forgive myself for having thought I’ve ever done anything wrong to be guilty of. When I forgive myself I also create a bridge to forgive every lover I have ever had who has left me, lied to me or in any way appeared to have caused me emotional harm. I forgive each and every person I have been physically intimate with in any way and acknowledge that you were an opportunity to love myself more when I didn’t know how to express it. I forgive myself for having used my body as a weapon for self flagellation and as a tool for manipulation and control. Now as I learn to love myself more I can approach each new sexual experience with clarity and not wounded-ness. I can ask myself “What is my intention for this experience” and move in conscious awareness of my actions.
Thought For Today:
I was created from love through the deliberate intention of Spirit; therefore I create love deliberately from my Spirit.
Today’s Affirmation:
I am conscious in every encounter sexual or otherwise.
