Yesterday I spent the day in silence. I didn’t stay home in isolation. I went out into the world to observe the world through silence. I found it most interesting. First, I noticed my resistance to the experience and all the excuses my mind tried to make up to keep me in fear of it. How would I look? What would people say? Etc. etc. etc… Many things happened. One thing I found very alarming in which I’d like to address. I am confessing my sins because confession is good for the soul. Wayne Muller writes of confession,
“An ancient definition of the word confess, is “to declare or reveal one’s identity.” To confess is to share one’s whole self, to declare both good and bad, what is seen in public and what is hidden in private. Not so that we may be punished, but rather so we may cleanse our hearts, set free what has been shamefully imprisoned…….. Only when we honestly confess the whole truth of who we are can we receive honest love in return. Otherwise we can never feel truly and completely seen and loved.” (Wayne Muller Learning to Pray 97)
I confess now to free my heart and mind so that I may be free of thoughts that pollute my being and corrupt humanity. I confess so that I am seen, I am loved, I am free.
I confess I found my inner self to be quite vocal; when I finally quieted down the loud protests of my inner child other small, still quiet voices emerged. They were subtle yet deadly. What I heard were comments of judgments and prejudices that I thought I had long ago left behind or never had. The comments about weight and race and class startled me. I silently looked at the comments and heard them voiced in my mind realizing that they were probably said before but I had been so busy not paying attention to me that I never heard them. This was an opportunity for healing, for finding and acknowledging any thoughts that lay hidden and are now up and on the floor of my conscious mind to be cleaned up and cleared out. I am grateful. It is these types of unconscious thoughts that cause sickness and dis-ease in the fabric of society. These are the thoughts that poison our collective consciousness. They must be exposed and eradicated. I must heal them within my own self. My healing effects everyone because we are “that”connected. We are all connected in a web of energy that makes up the fabric of society so we each must do our own work to find the places were prejudices and judgments still exist within us and take the first step in healing them. Awareness is the first step, and then we must admit what it is we feel taking full ownership, without excuse or reasoning. It doesn’t matter why we feel the way we feel. Delving into the why’s is the ego’s way of holding on and passing the buck of blame. It walks us into the delusion of justification which perpetuates the disease. We are the ones with the feeling so it is up to us to do the healing. Once we’ve become aware and admitted we must practice forgiveness. Forgiveness leads to healing that place where the wound is that caused the hurt that created the thought that eats away at our connection to one another. What I know to be true is that, that forgiveness must come full circle because we cannot feel one way about another that we are not in some way feeling about ourselves. It is an impossibility. We are never free from the judgment we judge with. Dig deep and you will find a similar connection so the healing and forgiveness must be on both ends.
I forgive myself for thinking ill of people with larger sizes.
I forgive myself for thinking ill of myself when I am larger in size.
I forgive myself for judging others based on race and perceived economic status.
I forgive myself for judging myself as better based on my economic status.
I forgive myself for judging others as better than me based on their economic statuses.
I forgive myself for thinking I am any better than my brothers and sisters of humanity.
I forgive myself for thinking that anyone else is better than me.
I ask for and receive unconditional love for myself so that I may extend this love to others.
I ask for and receive self-acceptance so that I am able to extend these acceptances to others.
I acknowledge my connection to all humanity. I accept my connection to all humanity. May all sentient beings be blessed. May I be blessed . May my healing be total, may my healing be effortless. May my healing be complete. So be it and so it is. AMEN.
