For those of us who've experience sexual abuse and have issues with creating healthy boundaries creating the boundaries can feel intimidating. We haven't had a clear sense of what ours is to protect, especially if you felt unprotected. On a very deep level the abuse taught us that we weren't entitled to personal space because it was our very own person and space that was violated. We often see people who have clear
boundaries as mean, guarded or aloof. Inside our soul is crying out for us to stand up for them.
I have often gone around unconsciously allowing people to violate my personal space. Even when I felt uncomfortable, taking small steps to create distance between me and them I didn't challenge it when the space was trespassed upon again for fear of appearing mean or making the other person uncomfortable. I also in turn violated others personal space, not valuing or understanding their want for distance. I labeled them as uncaring, mean or I felt rejected.
Boundaries are necessary. Creating boundaries is healthy and a necessary part of the process of healing the inner wounded that has created a chasm between you and self worth. The value of caring for ourself through creating boundaries reaps plentiful rewards. It fosters self respect, self worth and self appreciation. It allows us to walk the earth as equals. As Responsible BEings fully capable of living life on our own terms. It releases co dependence, judgment and shame. It enables us to walk with our head held high because we Finally Know who we are and our Value comes from inside and we are not defined by anything or anyone
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Today was a day of healing for me.
As I sat inside, not completely snow bound but choosing to consciously
hibernate, a few things happened. The first was that I got to rest. I just let
the solitude swallow me up and I vegetated. Of course I did my daily prayers
and meditations that is a given yet I didn’t try and push myself to do
anything. What transpired was wonderful. While I was lying on the couch
attempting to take a nap I fidgeted and then I was able to get still. From the
stillness tears came and I cried for no apparent reason, all I know is it hurt.
I didn’t try to name the hurt or figure out where it came from or what it was
attached too I just let it come up and out. The quiet of the day and the
setting of the sun urged me to go deeper in this emotional release. I drew a
bath and poured in bath salts and perfume I lit the candles in my bathroom and
in my living room so when I exited the tub I would be equally nurtured. While
in the tub listening to soft soothing meditation music I began to practice
conscious connected breathing as taught by Ken & Renee Kizer and the tears
returned. My breathing slow and steady produced a tingling feeling in my hands
and feet and I began to release what no longer serves me as the Light that I
AM.